Invasion of Privacy

This is a rant about my husband!!!!

So yesterday, my hubby had to have some warranty things done on his car, so he came to school and got my car and went about his day- which did NOT consist of watching the girls cause he had "stuff to do".

My friend Kate and I, well we IM each other throughout the day. It is nice, I get to vent some and she does too. We don't do it all day, but we write down what's going on and support each other during the day. Sometimes it takes us awhile to write back, all depends on what is going on. So anyway...

We were discussing that my hubby would like to have another baby (yes you heard me correctly). My response was something of- "of course he would because he doesn't do shit to help me."

So when he came to pick me up I was in a meeting, I came back and he was at my desk on my computer and I saw that the IM was scrolled back to the top. I didn't say anything, but the rest of the night all I heard was "Well, since I don't do shit" or something to that effect. I told him I thought we were over that, but apparently it isn't. I mean I know it isn't because I am not over it, but I can't say anything to "make" him help me. So I just don't say anything else, why bother? There's no point.

He "thinks" he is helping me and I feel he isn't so why? It only makes us both upset and angry, and since I can't stand arguing what's the point in continuing? So I tell my friends and my blog and all how he doesn't help. I am not keeping it all inside and now I have come to learn that a lot of men just don't help. They "think" or "feel" that they are, but their spouse feels they aren't.

The biggest thing of all this is that he read MY stuff! I have NEVER gone through his stuff. Frankly, I don't give a shit about his emails or text messages or cell phone calls, and now I just don't have the energy to be "sneaky", I am just TOO TIRED. If he wanted to cheat or had someone on the side... I will kindly help him pack his shit and leave. In Beyonce's terms "To the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left." Followed by, "You don't know about me, I can have another you in a minute" Except I don't want another him... I'd find one that helps me!! HA take that Bobby! I mean why the fuck does he feel that insecure about our marriage that he would read my stuff??? I asked him that but I didn't really give him a chance to answer. Because I was too busy getting the girls ready for bed- by myself as usual. Then Kristin had a melt down and I held her as he rolled over and went to sleep and kindly snored for Kristin and me! Thanks asshole!

I should precipitate this by this is what happened on Thanksgiving. My whole family got together at my sister's and I had fed the girls (notice once I again I said "I") and pumped and was all nice a full so I laid down on the floor (as not to bother or take up any room on the couch to keep anyone from not having a seat to watch the game) My bil and sister were holding the girls, BIL says to Bobby let's go watch the game on my new plasma. Bobby turns to me and holds out Kristin and says "Here, you aren't doing anything." Are you fucking kidding me??? I never get 5 minutes to myself, I mean I have held a baby while trying to pee! BIL says basically, "Courtney, never gets to do nothing- we got this, we can take the girls up to the room, they don't need anything and even if they do it's 2 vs 2!" Really Bobby?? Everyone else sees that I don't get a break, why can't my husband? Why am I STILL having this conversation?

The only time I am away from the girls I am at work! Then people STILL want something from me! Someone is wanting something from me ALWAYS- whether it is the girls, the kids at school, or my husband!! Someone ALWAYS wants something!! I want time where NOONE wants something!! PLEASE!!!

Seriously, I worry about my marriage. No one prepared me for the fact that having these twins would drive such a rift between us. I mean I knew it would change my marriage but not to this extreme.

I try saying this to him but all it does is turn into a fight and I am tired of the fighting. I am not a fighter!

I feel like giving up!

And now all I have is my blog to be honest- cause he doesn't know I have one!