Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Invasion of Privacy

This is a rant about my husband!!!!

So yesterday, my hubby had to have some warranty things done on his car, so he came to school and got my car and went about his day- which did NOT consist of watching the girls cause he had "stuff to do".

My friend Kate and I, well we IM each other throughout the day. It is nice, I get to vent some and she does too. We don't do it all day, but we write down what's going on and support each other during the day. Sometimes it takes us awhile to write back, all depends on what is going on. So anyway...

We were discussing that my hubby would like to have another baby (yes you heard me correctly). My response was something of- "of course he would because he doesn't do shit to help me."

So when he came to pick me up I was in a meeting, I came back and he was at my desk on my computer and I saw that the IM was scrolled back to the top. I didn't say anything, but the rest of the night all I heard was "Well, since I don't do shit" or something to that effect. I told him I thought we were over that, but apparently it isn't. I mean I know it isn't because I am not over it, but I can't say anything to "make" him help me. So I just don't say anything else, why bother? There's no point.

He "thinks" he is helping me and I feel he isn't so why? It only makes us both upset and angry, and since I can't stand arguing what's the point in continuing? So I tell my friends and my blog and all how he doesn't help. I am not keeping it all inside and now I have come to learn that a lot of men just don't help. They "think" or "feel" that they are, but their spouse feels they aren't.

The biggest thing of all this is that he read MY stuff! I have NEVER gone through his stuff. Frankly, I don't give a shit about his emails or text messages or cell phone calls, and now I just don't have the energy to be "sneaky", I am just TOO TIRED. If he wanted to cheat or had someone on the side... I will kindly help him pack his shit and leave. In Beyonce's terms "To the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left." Followed by, "You don't know about me, I can have another you in a minute" Except I don't want another him... I'd find one that helps me!! HA take that Bobby! I mean why the fuck does he feel that insecure about our marriage that he would read my stuff??? I asked him that but I didn't really give him a chance to answer. Because I was too busy getting the girls ready for bed- by myself as usual. Then Kristin had a melt down and I held her as he rolled over and went to sleep and kindly snored for Kristin and me! Thanks asshole!

I should precipitate this by this is what happened on Thanksgiving. My whole family got together at my sister's and I had fed the girls (notice once I again I said "I") and pumped and was all nice a full so I laid down on the floor (as not to bother or take up any room on the couch to keep anyone from not having a seat to watch the game) My bil and sister were holding the girls, BIL says to Bobby let's go watch the game on my new plasma. Bobby turns to me and holds out Kristin and says "Here, you aren't doing anything." Are you fucking kidding me??? I never get 5 minutes to myself, I mean I have held a baby while trying to pee! BIL says basically, "Courtney, never gets to do nothing- we got this, we can take the girls up to the room, they don't need anything and even if they do it's 2 vs 2!" Really Bobby?? Everyone else sees that I don't get a break, why can't my husband? Why am I STILL having this conversation?

The only time I am away from the girls I am at work! Then people STILL want something from me! Someone is wanting something from me ALWAYS- whether it is the girls, the kids at school, or my husband!! Someone ALWAYS wants something!! I want time where NOONE wants something!! PLEASE!!!

Seriously, I worry about my marriage. No one prepared me for the fact that having these twins would drive such a rift between us. I mean I knew it would change my marriage but not to this extreme.

I try saying this to him but all it does is turn into a fight and I am tired of the fighting. I am not a fighter!

I feel like giving up!

And now all I have is my blog to be honest- cause he doesn't know I have one!


Kate said...

You know I love you and I'm praying that things get better!!!

AmyC623 said...

BIG HUGS, Courtney! I am sorry he's being a turd. That really sucks. Two wee babies is A TON for anyone to handle and I do not have personal experience to tell you it gets better, but I can tell you that with one baby it got better (and I'm only talking about having time for yourself, the marriage is a completely different issue).

I don't know what to say to encourage you about your relationship with Bobby. The only teeny tiny suggestion I can make is to ask him directly to do specific things. Sure - he should know what needs to be done and not be a jerk and not take you for granted, but clearly that's not working. Maybe you need to give him explicit instructions. Or maybe you've already tried this and I need to keep my assvice to myself! Either way I am pulling for you and I'm sorry he read your private conversation. :(

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, I will know soon enough the stress you are going through and I'm sure it won't be easy. My husband and I have already had some of those fights and the babies aren't here yet!

I don't really have any good advice other than trying to communicate the best you can. I hope it gets better soon.

Dawn's Recipes said...

I'm so glad he doesn’t know about the blog so you can vent here! My heart goes out to you every time I read about his latest antics. I even spoke about with my husband. He's on your side too. I really hope things improve. I don't know how long a person can put up with this sh*t. Have you considered marriage counseling? Would he even go for something like that?

BrandiH2007 said...

Oh hun I wish I could hug you in person! I had lots of trouble with my husband too and it took me breaking down daily for him to realize that he wasn't really helping. My doctor started increasing my meds and treating me for more things and basically all I did was take care of Lillian. How he thinks you would even have the energy to make another baby I don't know. Have you tried "forcing" him to take care of the girls?

KandiB said...

I know how much I feel like BigB doesn't pull his weight with just one baby. I think with two I would just be a raging b-iatch. It's all so overwhelming.

I had to have a come-tojesus mtg with him and tell him that I did not marry him to be his momma...that I shouldn't have to tell him or ask him to do stuff. he needs to take responsibility and step up. I need him to do certain things w/o having to ask. Ever.

BTW - I have peed and pood (I know, TMI) while holding Lady Bug. So don't feel bad :)

Janet said...

Oh man. I'm so sorry. I hate how women are still considered the 24-hour, defacto, on-call caregiver when there are kids in the picture. My husband constantly assures me that when we have kids, he'll pull his weight, but when I say to him, "That means you won't be able to tinker on the computer all night after work, maybe not at all", his face goes blank, like he doesn't understand.

Sarah said...

Oh ugh! I am so sorry you're dealing with this. Wish I has some words of wisdom.


The Chmielewski's said...

Court I FEEL ya 100%, and my babies are 1 and 3 now!

Things will never be different, if you both don't seriously have a convo :( It's hard to do I know, because you'll get so heated, as well as he, but if you don't things will only get much much worse. Have you had a "date night" where you go out and have a grandma watch the babies overnight so that you and Bobby can enjoy your evening, and get a real good nights sleep?

I always put Skylar to bed. I always change her diapers, I always give the kids baths on bath night, I'm the one that cleans the house, cooks the food, folds the laundry while he just sit there on the internet or Xbox...I swear if that thing didn't cost so much I'd throw it out the F'ing window! Did I mention I do this is my CAREER SUIT clothes from work, and heels sometimes!

Getting him to help is such a lost case at this point. I want 5 minutes to myself here and there, but I don't get to settled down until both kids are in bed, and even then I don't get "my time".

Again Court I fell ya. Big Hugs..and give those girls a hug for me to :)

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Changing Phases said...

OMG...I'm so glad to see that I'm not the only one with such issues. My husband thinks he is so helpful because he washes our 14 month old from time to time. He cooks once in 2 weeks, doesn't serve himself dinner, can't be bothered to at least put his plate in the dishwasher or rinse it n place in the sink. I'm so tired and fed up. After all that, he still expects me to be happy and excited while having sex. To me it has just become another chore. I hope it all gets better for you..for us all.