Saturday, February 27, 2010

My First Award

I have never received a blogging award.. probably cause I don't really deserve one. BUT

THANKS Kate! You know I think you are awesome! And more than once- my voice of sanity!

Here are the rules for the award:
Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
Copy the award and paste it to your blog.
Tell us 7 interesting facts about yourself.
Nominate 7 bloggers that you love and link to their blog.

Now interesting facts about myself... hmmm... Don't know if these are actual interesting facts or not, but here goes....

1. I met Bobby at a house warming party that I almost didn't go to but did cause my best friend was working and I didn't feel like staying at home on a Saturday night by myself on my first night off in years working at a restaurant. He was there to met up with his "girlfriend", but oops she showed up with another guy. Bobby broke up with her at the party, which I didn't find out about for a long time after we started dating. I really did ask him to hand me a beer out of the fridge and then I spent the rest of the night talking to him. And then 2 couples set up a "get together" for us to see each other again and he asked me out- the rest is history, I guess. On our first date Bobby tried to end our date early and take me home.. not to his house but home. He said it wasn't going to work out. I asked him for another chance to make it right and to take me out for a drink. He could turn left to take me home or right and go to the bar. He turned right. So now when we argue I always say "You should have turned left, huh?"

2. We bought the house my mom grew up after my grandparents passed away (within 3 months of each other after 65 years of marriage) from my mom and aunt. I often feel my grandparents here. It is cool to have family events here because for 30 years of my life this house is where I spent every Christmas and different holidays. Now we still have holiday celebrations here- I know my grandparents would love that.

3. My paternal grandparents were immigrants. My Papaw came from Poland when he was 14 years old, by himself, did not speak any English, with NO family. My grandmother was a baby when her parents came to America. They met and married in a little town where they lived happily ever after together for 69 years. I can still count in Polish and say a few words, which I will teach the girls.

4. I NEVER wanted to become a teacher. I thought kids these days are crazy and disrespectful. Now I teach the craziest of them all and in a special school where kids are placed after they are removed from a regular public school. Hmmm... I am not quite sure how this happened! Actually I do, but it is a LONG story!

5. I overcame my fear of blood and needles. I use to faint when I cut myself or when I got a shot. Got over my fear of needles after I injecting myself to get knocked up. My family never thought I would be able to do the injections... the things we face in the effort to get pregnant. I don't think I could roll up my sleeve and give blood yet, but I didn't faint when I got my flu shot.

6. I am fascinated by death. I know weird. I have held quite a few hands as people died- my dad (at 16), my grandfather, 2 grandmothers, and numerous people when I worked at the Alzheimer's facility. Of course all of these people were terminally ill and all of them were old, except for my dad... but all of them were really peaceful.

7. I love to read. I always have... I don't get much of an opportunity right now.. but I will again someday when I am not so tired. I read "Gone with the Wind" in the 6th grade. I have reread it probably 10 times since.

So for the blogs I love to read... (in no particular order)

1. Sarah- from Take it one Gigantic, Earth Shattering-Crisis at a Time Because I think if Sarah and I met in real life- we would make sailors blush at our ability to say the "F" word! I think she would make me laugh ALOT!

2. Maggie- from I just love you- cause she is just so cute and has the most adorable daughter whose cheeks I just think are the most pinchable ever!

3. Jess-Our trip on the infertility train- she is a fellow PCOS cyster.

4. Sarah -Ignorance & Confidence- cause she pointed me in the right direction to see some cool stuff in Alaska.

5. Dawn- She has 2 cool blogs and one is about one of my favorite things- FOOD! I would love for Dawn to cook me a meal- I bet it would kick ass!

6. Amy- Because I think if Amy and I met in real life- we would hit it off.

7. Joye- Joye and I have a lot in common. Both teachers in middle school, both have PCOS....

Monday, February 22, 2010

So Saturday sucked more than I can say....

Saturday came like Doomsday... I woke up crying (not that I slept well anyway)... cried when the Bobby's best friend's wife and daughter arrived to take care of the girls for us... cried on the way.. cried while we waited for them to clean the room... cried as my Reese pooped on the floor in the waiting room...cried when the stupid vet assistant asked me his name so she could run a stool sample...cried as I signed some paperwork about it being humane... cried as they asked if I wanted him cremated and remains returned... cried as I held my doggy's head as he took his last breath... I just cried....

My first baby with my human babies

Look at that gentle dog giving that "baby kisses" - people have ran from him LOL!

I am mad now... mad at myself for putting Reese "to sleep" (who the hell coined that term anyway- he isn't asleep), mad I didn't say I wasn't ready and just let it go at that, mad I let my family and Bobby tell me "it is time"... mad at the vet who didn't have anything left for us to try... I am just plain MAD.

In the same breath.. I am sadder than I think I have ever been in my life. Sadder than losing 2 pregnancies... sadder than losing my grandparents, sadder than I ever thought possible... I didn't lose "just a dog", I lost my best friend, a family member, someone that I took care of, my baby, MY REESE!

Just can't stop crying... can't stop thinking about him.. missing him...sad I can't let him back in from the backyard...sad when I went to put water in his bowl this morning only to remember his bowl was gone...sad that my heart is broken and there is a piece that will forever be missing...

I MISS YOU Reese MORE than you'll ever know!!! I love you Reese! Thank you for 12 great years! You're the most awesome dog! All dogs go to Heaven and when I get there- I can't wait to pet you again! Our house is empty without you! Love you Reese!

Friday, February 12, 2010

It is time for us to let go

Bobby and I have decided that it is time to allow our wonderful, faithful, and loyal companion and member of our family to go to "doggy heaven" so that he no longer has to deal with his arthritis, the pain, and the embarrassment as he loses bowel control.

This is Reese last week during our little snow

If you notice, you can see how he "slumps" and doesn't put weight on his back legs.

It is with saddened and broken hearts that we make this decision. I have wavered on this for a year. But it is time. I am sad, I cry even as I write this. I cry when I think about it. I get overwhelmed as I realize no one will meet me at the front door (although Reese now lays against the front door cause he can't hear and it is his only way of knowing what is happening).

I love my Reese. He has been a good dog, a loyal friend, he has never told, not even one of, my secrets. He has been there for the worst moments of my life. He has been there for the best moments of my life. He has danced with me. He has laid there as I cried. He has given me high fives. He has jumped around with excitement with me. He has watched over me as I slept. He has protected our home. He has played with me. He has napped with me. He helped me "pick" Bobby to be in our family (the only guy I brought home that Reese didn't snap at, though Bobby will tell you differently). He has brought me many years of happiness and some great companionship.

So next Saturday we will let our Reese not suffer anymore. 12 years to the day that I saw this little black puppy run across the floor and give me a little puppy "woof" with his little German Shepherd ears flopped over. Oh how I will miss him.


Sunday, February 7, 2010

6 months ago...

6 months ago I looked like this....

Today... Oh shit there's no pictures of me!! Hmm... Oh well! I guess thats cause I look pregnant still and I haven't brushed my hair today. I got up in a rush to fix bottles.. pulled it into a ponytail like thing and well.. I am lucky I brushed my teeth! But I have this....

And this....

And moments like this...

And moments like this...

Yep- that was today!

Anyway, 6 months ago today I was just "Courtney" pregnant with twins. Tomorrow they will be 6 months old and I am a "Mommy" of twins and I have survived so far! It stays kinda fuzzy to me cause I still haven't slept through the night! But damn they are cute!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Sweet Potatoes, Snow and 1st tooth

My good friend Leanne took time away from her 4 yr old son and her almost 2 yr old boy/girl twins and loaned me her food processor and we made 96 ozs of sweet potatoes! Yes, I homemade baby food in the attempt to save money and cause well... why not? In the next few days I will make some carrots and squash and butternut squash... oh the choices are unlimited!

We got a nice snow- the first "real" snow in a few years. 6 inches fell on the ground and we introduced the girls to the snow. Bobby held them and I put snow in their hands- we had a little protests with some grunts and all, but they held some snow in their cute little chubby hands. And then immediately put their hands in their mouths.

As I was cleaning up the bowls of sweet potatoes, I put some on my finger and put it in Kristin's mouth and lo and behold... there was a tooth cutting through! How did that happen? How are they growing this fast? I want them to stay babies! *tear*

Bobby and the girls

Kristin and her sweet potatoes

Lara likes to wear her sweet potatoes as well as eat them

I never knew I could love 2 little things so much! They grow more and more fun everyday! I look forward to their toothless grins... oh yeah.. Kristin won't have one much longer.