Monday, February 22, 2010

So Saturday sucked more than I can say....

Saturday came like Doomsday... I woke up crying (not that I slept well anyway)... cried when the Bobby's best friend's wife and daughter arrived to take care of the girls for us... cried on the way.. cried while we waited for them to clean the room... cried as my Reese pooped on the floor in the waiting room...cried when the stupid vet assistant asked me his name so she could run a stool sample...cried as I signed some paperwork about it being humane... cried as they asked if I wanted him cremated and remains returned... cried as I held my doggy's head as he took his last breath... I just cried....

My first baby with my human babies




Look at that gentle dog giving that "baby kisses" - people have ran from him LOL!



I am mad now... mad at myself for putting Reese "to sleep" (who the hell coined that term anyway- he isn't asleep), mad I didn't say I wasn't ready and just let it go at that, mad I let my family and Bobby tell me "it is time"... mad at the vet who didn't have anything left for us to try... I am just plain MAD.

In the same breath.. I am sadder than I think I have ever been in my life. Sadder than losing 2 pregnancies... sadder than losing my grandparents, sadder than I ever thought possible... I didn't lose "just a dog", I lost my best friend, a family member, someone that I took care of, my baby, MY REESE!

Just can't stop crying... can't stop thinking about him.. missing him...sad I can't let him back in from the backyard...sad when I went to put water in his bowl this morning only to remember his bowl was gone...sad that my heart is broken and there is a piece that will forever be missing...

I MISS YOU Reese MORE than you'll ever know!!! I love you Reese! Thank you for 12 great years! You're the most awesome dog! All dogs go to Heaven and when I get there- I can't wait to pet you again! Our house is empty without you! Love you Reese!

7 comments:

Kerri said...

Hugs Court!!! I wish there was something that I could say or do to make it better, but I know the hurt all to well. Memories will go farther than you think and what a precious picture of all your babies together.

Dawn's Recipes said...

Oh, Courtney! I'm so sorry you're going through this! I hope you feel better soon and decide that you did the right thing. I know it sucks so much...all those little reminders. By the way, that picture of Reese licking your little girl's hand is too precious for words!

'Murgdan' said...

Ohhhh...I'm crying now too. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Honestly, losing a dog was the main reason I didn't get one for so so long...but of course I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on even one moment so far with mine. But saying goodbye is too painful for words. I'm sorry. :-(

Sarah said...

Oh Court, I did the same thing when I had to have Pandora put to sleep. I'm so sorry you're hurting. But just know, that Reese isnt. I know that doesnt make things easier right now. But it'll help in the long run...

Dawn said...

Ohhhh Courtney I am so sorry for your loss :-( You did the right thing, I know the pain you are feeling right now makes it seem like you didn't but you did what was best for Reese. Right now he's in heaven kissing the hands of your other little ones as they get to know eachother :-)

KandiB said...

Tears all over my keyboard.

There's a special place in our hearts for our "first babies." Especially when we've waited so long for our human ones. They're there to lick our tears away, snuggle with us, jump on us when we come back from countless doc appts.

I'm so sorry. I hope that you find peace soon - and lots of wonderful memories.

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