To Follistim or not to Follistim- 'tis the question!

Well, as a person who needs to have a game plan- I have already started thinking- Follistim or not? At my last appointment, Dr Austrian informed me that if no BFP this cycle then it is time we move on to injectables. So Bobby and I are at that point... move on or take a break? A little scary if you ask me... but maybe it is the means to the end of this TTC journey for us.

So we have had "the talk" with the normal questions such as "Are we sure?", "Should we try Clomid some more?", "What's wrong with what we are doing?", "Should we take a break?", and most importantly..."What if we get more than we can handle?"

None of these are perfect solutions to what we are doing- we want a baby or babies. I'll take whatever I can get, I just want a healthy one or ones. Whatever we get at this point I will be so grateful for!

I called Jones today to get my ball rolling... I like action.. a game plan per se... I like knowing what is next...something!! I want a baby, Damn, how hard can it be? Apparently pretty hard! But that is another topic. I love Dr Never Smiles (she knows her shit) and her nurse (who talks almost as much as me)... I called and expected for her to get back to me later today after I gave the lady my info and she is like ok hold on... and the nurse hops on the phone. I explain that I haven't tested yet but I want to have Dr Never Smiles opinion on what Dr Austrian said about starting injectables. Nurse Talkative says she'll talk to Dr Never Smiles and they will get info together for me. I think she was shocked I hadn't tested yet. But I was holding out strong! No early testing for me. I stated my case that we decided that we were ready to move on if Dr Never Smiles says that it is time. What I wasn't expecting was...

You have to take a cycle off of any meds to move on.. not just to give your ovaries a break to prevent OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome I think) but for a mental break as well. This cuts into my "time frame" I had allotted myself. I have been under a time frame since the bad Clomid cycle in April- I said if no BFP by Dec then back on bc it is for me until the spring of '09. I know- being infertile- why go back on bc since I obviously can't get pregnant off bc? Well, I know in order for me to have a "break" then I have to cut all ties to TTC. So bc I will do... only for about 5 months to get me to "relax"... I should get knocked up then, right?

My thought- I'm screwed no matter what I do!!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=IeT69JkjzlI&feature=related

So I am not any closer to a baby than I was yesterday! Damn it!!

Good news- Hopefully this was all for nothing- I am testing in the morning 14 dpo (days past ovulation)- need lots and lots of prayers for a HEALTHY BFP this time!!! I want a HEALTHY baby in my arms!!! I hope all my planning is in vain! PLEASE!!!